The Art of Living
by Bonkers4Reid
Summary: After some life-changing events occur, Derek Morgan begins to reevaluate his place in this world. Rated K for now, that may change.
1. The Birthday

_Hello fanfiction world! I'm starting a new CM multi-chapter! (and here my subscribers to "Something Better" get worried) It's summertime so I don't have school holding my free time hostage right now, so don't worry too much!_

_This is going to be Morgan-centric. You don't see a lot of Morgan fics out there that aren't romance, so hopefully this is something original._

_The first chapter is Garcia's first person narrative. Not every chapter will be in her point of view, but I haven't figured all of that out yet._

_The title comes from a Havelock Ellis quote: "**All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on**."_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds; if I did we would have seen the inside of Spencer's bedroom by now! ;)_

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**"There is still no cure for the common birthday." ~John Glenn**

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I knew something was wrong the minute I stepped into the bullpen. JJ, Em, and Reid were sitting at their desks looking over to Morgan's chair.

"Where's our birthday boy?" I asked in an optimistically jovial voice, attempting to squash down that feeling of foreboding.

Derek was always one of the first people in the office. Hotch was always here a full half hour before the rest of us, but Morgan was usually the second to arrive. Spencer and I usually came next, always carrying piping hot coffee. Emily, a late sleeper; JJ, mother of a preschooler; and Rossi, a man who'd gotten used to the retirement lifestyle, were the last to arrive.

But this morning I had been running late. My hands were full balancing a birthday cake, a gift bag, and my venti-three-pump-vanilla- macchiato -with-extra-caramel-and-whipped-cream. Judging by the light in his office, even Rossi had gotten to work before me! Yet the desk belonging to my chocolate thunder birthday god was vacant.

"Morgan texted me this morning at five a.m." answered Reid. "It said '_won't be at work for a few days. had to go to chicago. hotch has more details._' Read it for yourself." He held up his archaic flip phone to show me the text message.

"And did you ask Hotch what Morgan said?" I asked, anxious to know more.

"Well…" started the young genius.

"Mrs. Morgan was taken to the hospital last night," explained Prentiss, cutting Reid off.

"What happened?" I asked, quickly setting down the items in my arms and plopping into Morgan's chair.

JJ continued, "We really haven't heard much. The doctors don't know what's wrong with her. They're running lots of tests."

I turned to Reid, "Why didn't you let me know? Why didn't Derek text me?" (I guess I wasn't being fair, I realize this now.)

"I didn't realize,"… "I should have," muttered the doctor, "I'm sorry, Garcia."

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That day the team flew off to Denver, Colorado for a case. I spent the day and night anxiously watching my phone for any calls. I would periodically scroll through my text inbox just in case I were to have missed one (which would have been impossible in my hyper-vigilant state). I had to stop myself several times from calling or texting him. I was dying to contact him, but I knew it would be better to just hold off. Finally around 5 p.m., a full 36 hours from Morgan's initial text to Reid, my cell phone rang.

"Hey babygirl," It was the greeting that I'd been awaiting for so long. His voice sounded haggard and I knew him well enough to know that he'd gotten little, if any, sleep.

"Hello Angel Face," I tried to sound cheerful, but I'm sure my voice quavered.

"Look, I'm sure Reid and Hotch have told everyone what was going on…. I'm sorry I didn't call you before I left," he started.

"Don't worry about it, I know you were probably in a hurry to catch a flight."

"No, I had time. I just, well, I decided not to call you. I know it sounds horrible, but I just couldn't deal with you trying to cheer me up at that time. I was concerned about my mom and I didn't think I could handle a Garcia style pep talk."

"It's okay. Really!" I urged him to keep talking, though I was a little hurt by what he'd said.

"But that's why I called you first now. Baby," his voice broke. It always pained me to witness the great Derek Morgan crying, as rare as it occurred. "Baby girl, they think my mom has cancer."

"What?" I didn't know what to say; what I could do for him.

"They still have more tests to run, but the doctors are pretty sure. And…. And it doesn't look good. The scans showed what look like multiple tumors in her lungs."

"Lung cancer? She doesn't smoke, right?"

"No, she's never smoked a day in her life. But the doctors say that even nonsmokers can develop lung cancer, it's just not as common."

I knew that lung cancer is among the deadliest cancers and that made it even harder to know what to say. "She's gonna be okay, right?"

"I don't know, baby." He paused. "It's pretty bad. They think it might be as advanced as stage three. Apparently she's been having trouble breathing for months now but she never told my sisters."

"Oh, Derek. I'm so sorry!" I was crying now. "I don't know what to say to comfort you, Cupcake." Saying cake made me remember his birthday cake that had been left uneaten. "Gosh, this must have been the worst birthday ever for you!"

"Something like that." He didn't even try to suppress the bitterness in his voice. "Can you do something for me?"

"Sure, whatever you need."

"Could you let the team know? One phone call like this is enough. I don't think I can talk to Hotch right now."

"Yeah, don't worry about it." I myself dreaded making such a call, but I understood where he was coming from. "Just go spend time with your mom. Tell her I'm praying for her. Get yourself something to eat, and try to get some rest. I know how you are Derek. When you're worried about someone you completely forget to take care of yourself." I tried my best to lift his spirits.

He chuckled slightly, "Thanks Baby girl, you're right of course. I'm gonna go now. I'll keep you updated."

"You're welcome. Love ya, Sweet Cheeks." I just wanted him to smile.

"Bye Garcia" he replied sullenly, hanging up before I had a chance to say goodbye.

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**"We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails." ~Author Unknown**

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_I know it's short and not-so-sweet, but it's just the first chapter! I have to introduce the fic someway!_

_Please review!_

_Also, I've just created a beta profile, so if anyone wants help on a fic, contact me! :)_


	2. The Funeral

_Hello my wonderful readers and friends! I haven't abandoned this story… I've just been busy lately and I've been working on a White Collar story. I'll admit that I was just a bit uninspired to continue working on this story, as it is sad, and writing hot guy whump is more fun…._

_Anyway, here is chapter two! We have two lovely CM ladies narrating for us this time. JJ has the first bit and after the page break we have Garcia's POV again. _

_As for the setting… well I wanted to include Emily in this story because she's leaving :( so this is kind of set right now. Think of this as the bridge between seasons seven and eight (though disregard the months listed… according to the episode "Profiler, Profiled", Derek's birthday is June 6th. This chapter is set 3 months later, so September, and that is the month season 8 is to start. We don't know exactly what month Emily leaves the BAU (yet) but this story mentions her readying to leave to go back working for Interpol._

_Disclaimer: I don't own a thing except my imagination._

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**"Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind." ~ Marcel Proust**

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The funeral for Fran Morgan was beautiful. I know it is cliché to call a funeral beautiful, but there is no better way to describe how the outpouring of love that the Morgan family conveyed and the lovely floral arrangements displayed made that church feel.

It had all happened so fast. We'd learned of Mrs. Morgan's cancer in June and she had died in September. Derek flew to Chicago to see her every other week. He'd work on a case with us then he would miss out on the next one to be with his mom. The doctors had decided that there was nothing that could be done to save her, so she decided to finish out the rest of her days at home with her family. Thankfully, she died peacefully in her sleep. We were in Ohio working a child abduction when Morgan got the news.

Derek immediately flew out to Illinois and we finished the case in a few days and returned to Quantico. The very next day, Spence, Emily, Garcia, and I boarded a commercial flight to Chicago for the funeral.

When Henry learned that I was not flying for work he begged me to take him along. Will helped convince him to stay home saying I'd be back the next day. I was glad that my husband agreed with me; I didn't want Henry to have to attend a funeral at such a young age. Not that he'd understand what was going on, but still.

Hotch decided to stay home with Jack, but he sent a floral arrangement and a letter. Rossi stayed in Virginia too. I think he just wanted to avoid the whole thing, as he is rather low key when it comes to personal matters. I did notice flowers from him at the church though.

It is always sad to see a loved one grieving. I didn't know Fran well but I went for Morgan's sake. It's probably a good thing that I was there because Garcia almost had a meltdown. I had to take her out of the church when Derek went up to speak about his mom. I enjoyed listening to Desiree and Sarah's eulogies, and I do admit that I was a bit annoyed to miss out on what Derek had to say, but I didn't want Penelope to cause a scene. I was able to calm her down in the ladies room and we returned just in time to see the casket carried out. Spencer later recited Derek's speech word for word for my benefit. Oh, how an eidetic memory comes in handy!

Fran was buried next to her late husband. We tried to invite Morgan out for drinks that night, but he declined in favor of spending time with his sisters and extended family.

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Hotch offered Morgan a month off after his mom died, but of course Derek refused. He returned to Virginia about a week after the funeral and was back to work immediately. This did not surprise me in the least.

I tried talking to him at work but he refused to talk about his mom. I tried calling him when the team was away on cases, but he always kept the conversations strictly focused on work. I invited him out on nights off and on weekends, but he always had some excuse.

I understood what he was dealing with. When I lost my parents I completely shut everyone out and started living as a hacker. I just wanted to make sure that my Chocolate Thunder was grieving in a healthy way. I wanted to make sure he was okay. I wanted him to know that I would be there for him always.

Maybe it was because my relationship with Kevin was over. Maybe it was because Emily was about to leave us to go back to Interpol. Maybe it was because I was finally letting my feelings for Derek come to surface…

I just wanted to talk to him but he was shutting me out. He was shutting everyone out.

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**"A friend is someone, who upon seeing another friend in immense pain, would rather be the one experiencing the pain than to have to watch their friend suffer." ~ Amanda Grier**

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_Again, this is rather short, but I think it conveyed what I wanted it to. Wowza, I had the hardest time trying to decide who would narrate the funeral. I find it hard to write in Reid's POV because (as much as I love him for it) he is just too intelligent for his own good. I finally decided on JJ because she would naturally be the one to take care of Garcia. I had a split narration because I wanted to show Garcia's thoughts on Morgan shutting everyone out. Plus she has been in his shoes before because she lost both of her parents._

_Let me know what you think of this! I always respond to reviews, favorites, and alerts!_


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